Friday, November 04, 2005

Snowbirds all over the roads.

For those of you who don't live in the southwest, snowbirds are retired people who flock to Arizona as soon as the "good" months are over in their states. That means that the population of Arizona increases significantly every November.

The funny thing about snowbirds is that they really don't seem to do anything besides go out and drive around. Are they looking for their lost youth? I don't know, but they sure aren't looking for motorcycles.

The sheer number of cars on the road today amazed me. The number of times I had to dodge some idiot who wanted to prove that two objects can occupy the same space at the same time also amazed me. Do the laws of physics no longer apply to retirees?

I believe it is necessary for me to found a "Snowbird Driving School." In my school, these drivers will learn how to check their mirrors and blind spots before changing lanes, how to drive at speeds meeting (and possibly exceeding when needed) the speed limit, while avoiding tailgating and general rudeness.

Mistakes will be corrected by application of high voltage, low current electrical shocks to the students toes.

Now, before someone complains, I'd like to say that there are most likely some snowbirds that can drive, and do so sparingly and courteously. I haven't seen any, but they're probably out there. Somewhere.


Caractacus said...

The good driving snowbirds you never notice because they don't do anything stupid to stand out. Last year's invention of the year was for a rearview mirror that would turn to the side when turn signals are used and thus eliminating the blindspot when changing lanes, but that would mean that those snowbirds would actually have to use signals, and that is funny in itself.

Surly said...

Hey at least you can ride in the winter. Around here, (NW Indiana) it's tough to ride on the ice.

Der_General said...

Same rules as before - ride like there's a $1,000,000 bounty payable to the first person who squashes you, and everyone know about it...

Lucky said...

Shoot, I ride like there's a bounty on me even if I'm the only person on the road.

NOPCKL said...

My favorite signage when we were acting up in The Keys was:

"If It's Snowbird Season Why Can't We Shoot Them?"