So, no, the Triumph didn't actually kill anyone. Nor, so far as I'm aware, has it ever demanded human sacrifice.
Nope, the gory red mess all over the ground in my photos from yesterday is coolant. See, this cute little plastic connector must have developed a crack, which then leaked, which then led to a catastrophic failure (of the connector).
All your intrepid reporter knows is that I got off the bike seconds before my nuts got steam-grilled (or "White Castled").
See, I was on my way home when I noticed the check engine light was on. I thought "Aw, hell," and assumed I'd make it home and take the bike in to a mechanic at my leisure.
Well, then I noticed the temperature climbing all the way to 119 degrees Celsius. This is also when I noticed my radiator fan wasn't running.
So, I pulled straight into a McDonald's parking lot and shut the bike off. As I said, I had time to get off before the steam started pouring out from under my seat and the bike gushed coolant all over the parking lot.
It was pretty awesome to watch, really. Sometimes, when things are just fucked, all you can do step back and and enjoy the show.
Anyway, I got the local Triumph shop to come get the bike (none of the non-Triumph shops, most of which were closer, would take it.), and it's being operated on as we speak.
I'm a little ticked about the breakdown, but massively relieved it happened in such a convenient area.