Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Things that stink.

One of the quips I frequently make to people talking about air-freshening materials (something that happens to me more often than most people could bear) is that if you don't like the way things smell on your bike, just wait a second and it'll change.

Except, of course, when it doesn't.

Powerful odors emanate from cars frequently. For example, all the potheads who somehow think no one will notice them smoking pot in their car WITH THEIR WINDOWS DOWN. Dumbasses.

But doobies, bad catalytic converters, burning rubber, burning oil, burning clutches, none of these odors hold a highly-scented candle to the hell I endured on my ride home last night.

Last night, I got cut off by a mini-van. That's infuriating enough, but then it hit me. The person (I think it was a woman) driving was wearing enough perfume to make me gag over the smell of other people's cars. Think about that for a second. I was going 50+ miles per hour, in the open-air, and the cloying stench of bad-driver was overwhelming me.

Think about how powerfully perfumed this individual must be in person. I felt bad for the passenger in the van. It's like something you would threaten your kids with. You know, "If you little shits don't behave, I'm going to make you hug auntie Hyacinth."

I nearly pulled over and stuck my nose in the gas tank to clear my palate, so to speak.

So thanks, stank-lady, for effectively demonstrating how personal aroma can be used to get ahead in the world. Now kindly remove yourself from my roadways.

No comments: