Monday, June 20, 2005

Joy! and the Official Pizza Review Rules.

So my new best friend, Hondaboy at Champion Honda (Mesa, AZ), managed to find me the part I need for the VX800. It should be here on Thursday. I am excited beyond mere words.

It is general wisdom that when you finally find a good wrench, you should treat him well and buy him beer (if your wrench happens to be a woman, treat her well and buy her beer. Only don't be creepy about it, BECAUSE SHE'S WRENCHING ON YOUR BIKE.). Although he hasn't done any work on my bike, I'm still buying Hondaboy a beer or two.

No pizza review for the weekend. I had papa john's, which is adequate. However, they do not qualify for an official review because they are a huge corporate chain, and I did not ride to the restaurant.

OK! That brings me to the rules (which are really more like guidelines) for selecting a pizza place worthy of review.

The first rule of The Great Motorcycle Pizza Tour is: You do not talk about The Great Motorcycle Pizza.... sorry, I couldn't resist. In reality, please tell everyone you meet about it and tell them how to get here.

Ok, here goes for real:

1. No soulless, corporate chains. A chain will be deemed acceptable if they are regional, independently owned, and small enough that I've never heard of them.

2. No soulless, corporate, non-chain pizza places. I don't care if Disney World has great pizza. It's corporate, they know what a demographic is, I'm not reviewing it.

3. When deciding between pizza review candidates, the one described as a "pizza parlor" will get the nod. They get bonus points if "pizza parlor" is in the name.

4. The location with an entertaining ride to get to it will get higher priority than the one with a boring ride.

5. For an official review, the restaurant must be ridden to. Excellent pizza that I did not ride to get may get an honorable mention now and then, but not an official review.

6. If the staff is described to me as "looking like they just got back from a Gwar concert," they will be preferred over another location. Note that false descriptions of Gwar-fan-itude will result in severe punishment for the fool who described it as such.

7. If you happen to meet me in a pizza place, I will be more than happy to let you buy pizza for me.

8. Places that offer me free pizza/motorcycle parts will get a review if I get around to going to their restaurant(provided they meet the "non-corporate" rules above). If their pizza sucks, they'll still get a crappy review.

9. These rules are subject to change anytime I decide to change them. And I don't even have to notify you.

10. If I really like you, you might be allowed to come with. However, you must ride. Exceptions will be made depending on how ratty your car is and how many pizzas you offer to buy. SUVs will never be allowed to come with, and I will kick you in the shins if you ask. Even if you offer to buy pizza.

So, what I need from YOU, dear reader, are recommendations of places to review. Oh, and comments. Leave me comments, dammit. How else am I going to know if I'm doing a good job?

1 comment:

mtne said...

Pizza. Lunch, dinner and warmed up for breakfast...... right? So ya head out from Phoenix on 87N to Winslow, early. Cut east on I40 (ya I know superslab... but can't have this take too long now can we) to Gallup, quick lunch at Big Cheese Pizza 1316 Metro Ave Gallup, NM 87301 (505) 722-4454
Hey it's quick easy and look it will not be a time to be picky ok... anyway it's gallup..... If you find better do take advantage ask a local. Now to contunue ....... Of course North on 666 to Shiprock and East on 64 to Farmington. North from there to Durango 550 I think. Dinner at
You did start early right? Lodge as you see fit and eat leftovers for breakfast, then take 160 East to pagosa springs fork left to South Fork and left again to Creed and Lake City. Head right on 50 heading to Monarch pass. Up and over to Maysville, detour to Salida for lunch at Amicas Pizza, Microbrews and More, 136 East Second Street Salida CO 81201
Ph 719.539.5219. Regain 24 north and make a right on 285 at Buena Vista. 285........ stay on it untill you get to DENVER (didn't see that comming did ya). In denver we should be able to provide at least two days of varried pizza eating. I'll even buy your pie at pasquini's though I prefer calzones myself.. so we'll definitly be going to Pasquini's, and Beujoes is a good "mountain" pie option. And there are numerous others worth a hit depending on preference, and the day's riding should your ass not be too sore. We can discuss your path home over Pizza. Housing in Denver provided, provided you can deal with cats....

Well........ you did say GREAT MC PIZZA TOUR.........