Wednesday, February 18, 2009

The Great Motorcycle Zombie-Avoidance Tour?

Last night, Lady Luck and I arrived home and found our neighborhood swarming with police officers.

The street to our driveway was blocked, so we parked as close as we could, and got out to walk to our house. We were met by an officer who told us they were looking for a guy with a shaved head, white t-shirt and blue jeans.

I thought, but did not say, "Shit, that describes half the people I know."

Anyway, I let one of the officers check our garage. Then Lady Luck and I went in our house and I checked for zombies. I went out to our back yard, which is walled in, looked around, said "Any weirdos out here?" and went back in the house.

I went upstairs to our balcony to have a look into my neighbors' yards. I stood out there a minute, saw an officer in one of the other yards, and then HOLY SHIT THERE'S A WEIRDO IN MY NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR FRED'S* YARD!!

Before I had a chance to wave at the cop and point, I heard Fred's back door open and a whole lot of officers yelling, then saw them swarm into the yard with their guns drawn on the guy.

I decided it would be prudent to get my ass back in the house then.

So, over the next half hour or so, we learned that this guy had been stopped in his car, and an officer found a very large stash of drugs. Being a dumbass, the guy ran into our neighborhood, which is next door to a police station. He must have tried all the front doors until he found one which was open.

Fred thinks he might have left his keys in the door that day. He'd been upstairs, and heard his door slam. He went downstairs and found his keys on the floor, and thought maybe I'd found them and just tossed them into his house.

So then he found this guy hiding out in his downstairs bathroom.

The guy said he'd been in a fight, and had been chased. Fred told him he should go to the police across the street. The dude didn't want to go, so Fred gave him a glass of water and told him to hang out on his patio. Fred also told him there were officers outside and he was going to go get one and tell him what had happened to this guy.

And then he locked the guy in his backyard. Fred is awesome.

Fred went out, told the police, took them through his house and they arrested the guy.

So, based on the increasing number of zombie incidents in my neighborhood**, we're going to start keeping the front door locked when we're home. Which sucks. I hate locking the house up. I feel like I'm keeping me in, not keeping others out, if you can dig it.

*Obviously, not his real name

**My bicycle stolen, a handicapped neighbor's driver was held up, the zombie hooker incident, gasoline stolen out of cars...


Danny said...

That happens in our neighborhood occasionally. With the exception of the weirdo getting in the neighbors house. But it does seem to get suddenly overrun by cops with automatic rifles looking for someone. So far we have been lucky enough to not see the weirdo.

Mr. Motorcycle said...

Nothing that exciting ever happens here. A blessing and a curse rolled into one.

Hawktane said...

I used to witness things like this all the time when I lived in a bad neighborhood. One time I found a couple dope heads going through my stuff and I had to confront them to get them to leave. Fred was smart for locking the guy in the backyard.

Wolfie said...

My commendations to Fred on some quick thinking. Smart fellow, that Fred.

Lucky said...

Danny - For all I talk about being paranoid, I never really think anyone is out to get me, or that anything will actually happen. I didn't expect to see anybody.

Mr. Moto - It makes for a good story, but uncomfortable walks to the mailbox for a few days until things seem normal again.

Hawktane - Yikes!

Wolfie - Fred is awesome.

Doug C said...

We never get that kind of excitement in our neighborhood. Of course, from the sound of things, you never use to either.

Zombies everywhere and not a shotgun in sight!

Anonymous said...

"Lucky, Zombie Slayer"...

LOL, Can't wait for the movie!

Ride on,

mrs road captain said...

Stuff like that doesn't often happen in our neighborhood. Though last year I noticed a lot of police activity in the develpment next to us...all three access roads were blocked. I heard that someone had been raped and they thought the guy was still in the area. They were searching cars and everything.

Stupid thing was a few days later I got pulled over coming out of my development for not coming to a complete stop at the stop sign. I will be honest and admit guilt, but for real I just can't help but thinking "Dude, don't you have better things to do than hang out at the end of a dead end street to see if people run a useless stop sign? Like CATCH A RAPIST MAYBE???!!!"

Wolfie said...

I second John Ashford's movie idea, but first things first: Lucky ought to write a novel about himself as a moto-zombie-slayer.

Before November, I'm thinkin' ;D

Lucky said...

Wolfie - Well, I do need to keep my high-velocity writing skills sharp for this years NANOWRIMO attempt: Holy Rollers 4 - Biker Gods IN SPACE.

So, I guess doing a post-apocalyptic biker zombie survival novel w/ Lucky "Chainsaw" Hunter as the hero (See: Mary Sue litmus test) could be fun. I don't know if anyone would want to read that, though.

Would they?

Baron's Life said...

Wow what a story...just like a Hollywood movie. Glad nobody got hurt in all this.
NOthing as exciting ever happens in my Cul-De-Sac...not sure if I'd wnat it to.
Load up your revolver and kepp it somewhere it can be reached by you

irondad said...

Just because you're not paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

In an interesting coincidence, I was working on the laptop last week and saw someone run through our yard and right by the living room window. I could see a cop running behind him.

Due to old training, instead of running the same direction, I did a perimeter loop. Saw the guy run from a yard, go across the alley, and duck behind a shed. By now there's about 9 cops. I couldn't resist drawing the Glock and yelling "Freeze" to the suspect. It's been so long since I got to do that.

Good thing the city cops wear dark suits. I think the rookie just about crapped his pants trying to decide what to do. Lucky for him, and especially for me, an older experienced officer was close.

Fred's way was much cooler and slicker, I admit. But not nearly so much fun!