Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Getting Cut Off

Traffic was thick when I merged on to the freeway this morning. As I puttered along, some dork in an red Jeep cut me off. Well, really, he attempted to invade my personal bubble, but I got out of his way in time.

My formal process for handling the situation follows:

1. Yell "Shit!"
2. Apply brakes / initiate evasive maneuver
3. Watch asshat in SUV obliviously relocate into my lane
4. Contemplate bloody retribution
5. Get centered behind asshat's rear view mirror and flash my brights a few times
6. Cool off again
7. Point and laugh as I inevitably pass the asshat who doesn't know how to pick a lane.

What do you guys do?


Allen Madding said...

fake an attempt to kick their mirror off as you pass them??

Two Buck said...

What do I DO or what do I wish I did? The reality is pretty close to what you did. The dream...?

I've never quite gotten around to doing this, but I sometimes think about driving a finish nail into the outside heel of my boot until just the head is showing, and then giving the doors of nitwit cagers like yours a little kick as I go by. But I haven't done it yet. "Yet."

Troubadour said...

Don't upset the balance of your bike by using your boot. Remember, safety.
Get yourself an extendable baton, ride by, and give his mirror a "tap".

Arizona Harley Dude said...

I sound my electric air horn as I'm preventing him/her running over me, next I try to pull up next to the drivers side and make sure he/she sees me, and I pull ahead of him/her, pull over in front of them and slow down. By this time they usually remember they aren't in a hurry and slow way down. I am then free to resume my joy of riding.

irondad said...

My list is pretty much like yours except #1 is much more derogatory. Sometimes I manage to get beside them, make a whirling motion over my head like the whirling lights on a police car, point backwards, and then work traffic to get well ahead of them.

I actually did kick a mirror in the late 80's. Somehow I figured it would be easier than it was! My knee was sore for days.

Canajun said...

Not that I've ever done it, or even seriously advocate it, but a friend back in the 70's used to always carry a couple of old spark plugs in his jacket. When he'd been cut off he'd simply pull ahead and then casually drop a couple on the road in front of the offender. Apparently if you do it just right they'll bounce right through the rad.
Of course in today's traffic you'd need to leave the house with about 100 in each pocket.

Andy said...

Nice idea Canajun, but given the current traffic density you may well miss the target and inflict damage on some poor sod who is innocent.

Personally, I'm tempted to keep a pocket of half inch ball bearings and toss one backwards behind me once I overtake the offender. Also good for boy racer tailgaters.

I like the extendable baton idea...and the nail in the boot appeals to me in a disturbing fashion.

Two Buck said...

The problem with spark plugs or ball bearings is that they're still rolling around on the pavement afterward, waiting to get caught in the tread of a passing truck and thrown up into the air, maybe right into the face of the next biker to come by. If you absolutely have to throw something, I've always thought Skittles would be effective -- noisy on impact with the car, but harmless no matter what they hit.

My point (pun not intended) with the nailhead in the boot is that you'd kick the car with a glancing blow in the door or quarter panel, just enough to scrape the nailhead across the paint and leave a nice scratch.