Nobody's Fault But Mine

"Some days it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps." - Emo Phillips

On my way home today I got pulled over. Of course, the cop didn't just pull me over, he had to mess with me first. As I was exiting the freeway, I got to the bottom of the off ramp and into position to make a right turn. The light was red, and the cop pulled up next to me on my left. Since I couldn't see around/over his car, I pulled forward a bit, stopped, and turned to look for traffic. Then he pulled forward in front of me. So I rolled forward a bit more. He got his cruiser in front of me again.

At this point, I thought "dink" and gave up on trying to turn before he did. The light turned green, and he took off in front of me. And then slowed down. Way down. So I passed him, since he was going so much less than the speed limit.

Instantly, he was behind me with his lights on. I pulled into the nearest gas station and stopped.

Now, here's where knowing what to do when you're on a bike and you get pulled over comes in handy. First thing, shut off the bike. Next up, take off your helmet. It's hard(er) for the cop to be a complete dick when he/she can see your face and you look more like a normal person and less like an imperial stormtrooper. Third, be calm and polite. Use the word "sir." Move slowly when you're reaching for your wallet, etc. so the cop can see what your hands are doing. Fourth, if you're busted (and it's something minor) you might as well 'fess up. At the very least, don't lie. You're not as good at it as you think you are.

Here's how the interaction went down today. "Good afternoon. I pulled you over because your registration is expired." says the officer.

"Yes, sir. I've been having trouble getting my bike to pass emissions, and this is my only vehicle," I say in a completely reasonable tone of voice. Note that I did not lie. My bike didn't pass emissions, and it is my only vehicle.

"When was your last emissions test?" he asks.

"Hang on, I've got the results here." Whereupon I rummage through the documents in my tank bag looking for the most recent test I failed. "Here it is. June 27th."

"Why haven't you gotten it fixed yet?" he asks.

"I'm waiting for the tool I ordered to show up. I need a special tool to get the cover off of my generator cover. A regular screwdriver won't work." Here I kicked at the cover I meant, and he could see what I was talking about.

"So you're doing the work yourself?" he asks.

"Yes sir."

"What are you going to do?" He asks. Sneaky bastard, he wants me to prove I know what I'm talking about.

"Well, I'm going to adjust my valve clearances, and set the fuel-air mixture," I said. At this point, I was fairly confident that I wasn't going to get a ticket.

"Wait just a moment, I'll be right back," He said. He went back to run my license and he was back there so long I started to think that I was going to get a ticket.

He came back. No ticket, written warning, told me to try taking the bus until I got my tabs updated. I said "Will do, sir."

I got all suited up again, and rode the rest of the way home. Upon getting home, my afternoon got even better! After I got off my bike, I noticed that there was fabric showing through my rear tire. "HOLY SHIT!" I thought. That could have made my afternoon really ugly. It wasn't there this morning, at least...

I got a little steamed, briefly, at my crappy commute. Then I remembered that all of it could have been prevented, and it was indeed my fault. Sometimes, taking responsibility for your own stupid actions really sucks.

And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to figure out how the hell I can afford to get a new bike in time for Ride to Work day.