Friday, August 26, 2005

Trader Joe's Frozen Pizza Margherita Review!

The Pizza: Trader Joe's Frozen Pzza Margherita
The Posse: Lucky
The Place: My kitchen

Frozen pizzas are darn convenient. With a minimal amount of effort, a relatively-good tasting pizza can be yours, and you don't even need to wear pants when you eat it. Trader Joe's is known for having tasty, natural, occasionally exotic food at reasonable prices.

I picked up this pizza thinking it would be as good as the frozen pizza I mentioned way back here.

Last night I threw this pie in the oven and patiently waited for deliciousness. As you can see, it was a tasty-looking pie. Alas, this pizza was only picture perfect.

Remember the individual cheese pizzas they gave us for hot lunch back in elementary school. They were good, weren't they? Well, this tasted kind of like the twin brother of that pizza, beat down by a cruel, cruel world and tormented by the thousands of painful memories it had of being left behind for nachos. Poor little guy.

The Crust - 0 Crying Luckies. It wasn't even a good topping transport. In fact, it actively worked against my enjoyment of the toppings.

The Sauce - 0 Crying Luckies. There wasn't much on there, which was good, because it tasted like ass.

The Toppings - 0.5 Crying Luckies. It would have been a zero, but the cheese was borderline edible. I wish I would have just taken it off and put it on some garlic toast.

The Ride - 5 Crying Luckies. This would have been a zero too, except for how glad I am that I didn't waste my time riding to certain disappointment.

Overall - 0.25 Crying Luckies. Seriously, get a Red Baron frozen pizza and save the extra couple bucks for a 6 pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon. At the very least, you'll know exactly what you're in for.

I hate to be harsh, but this was truly a crappy, crappy excuse for a pizza. In fact, I'd rather eat one of those crummy Chef Boyardee "pizza-in-a-box" pizza mix pizzas, where the crust is all soggy and foam-rubbery, and the sauce is best replaced by ketchup.

Heed my warning and avoid these awful pizzas at all costs. If you're in Trader Joe's looking for something quick and easy, get some of their burritos. Or, get a 6 pack of some bock beer and make like a fasting Bavarian monk.

Hopefully this weekend I'll be able to get some good pizza, and this pie will just be a sad memory.


Wolfie said...

You gotta admit, the fasting-Bavarian-monk route has style. And potential stomach-pumpings!

Lucky said...

Yeah, I've spent many a pleasant evening emulating Bavarian monks. At least, in a way...