Thank you!

As of yesterday, this blog has had the most monthly traffic it has ever had, and I'm only responsible for some of that traffic.

So, thanks for reading. As I've told Lady Luck on many occasions, there's nothing quite as flattering as having people I don't even know tell me they like my work.

I sincerely hope you like reading this stuff as much as I enjoy writing it. And thank you, thank you very much.


...And now we'll return to our usual schedule of ill-tempered rants and fart jokes.

Why Smart People Don't Try to Rob Bikers

Never try to rob a bar full of bikers.
Dumb dumb dumb


"I say we stomp 'im, then we tattoo 'im, then we hang 'im and then we kill 'im!"

VX800 Update - Tiny Little Bits of Progress

Over the weekend I finally picked up a universal joint for my socket wrench.

Naturally, the spot I need to get to is too small for the socket and universal joint. Grr. I guess I need to find a shallower socket, or something.

The frustrating thing is that the bolt is easily reached with a plain old combination wrench. Except it's on there so tight that I started to round of the bolt, even after several thorough dousings with WD-40. I don't want to go through THAT mess again, so I'm stuck trying to figure out how to get that sucker out...

I tried tightening the other bolt that is currently vexing me, but I'm only good for about 15 minutes of 1/8 turns and then I have to walk away for a while.

Good times!

Moto-Fitness continued

Way back in January I mentioned my interest in joining a boxing gym and getting into fighting shape, in the interest of motorcycle safety of course. Since then, my martial arts friends keep asking me for updates on my progress.

This is, incidentally, why it's good to tell people about your goals.

Thus far, I have watched a lot of videos of Muhammad Ali, read a bunch of articles, researched gyms...

...and that's about it. Oh, I also got a jump rope which I've slowly been getting the hang of again.

Before I actually start going to the gym, I want to be in somewhat better shape than I'm in right now. I know I won't be in nearly as good of shape as the boxers when I do start, but I'd like to be able to keep up with the coach a little bit.

As such, I'm resolving to start my new exercise regimen for the next 30 days. As I said in my other post, I want to be able to do exercises that require minimal equipment. Luckily, I found this handy work out provided by the Iron Gloves Boxing gym. It takes about 30 minutes to do, which is easy because I can do it all at home. It kicked my butt tonight, but I'm feeling great now.

In 30 days, we'll see how I'm feeling about actually going to the boxing gym.

The People in Your Neighborhood

I've started seeing a new face in the Phoenix-area motorcycle commuter scene. This morning I caught up with him at a stoplight, but didn't get a chance to say howdy before the light turned green.

This fellow is on a Buell, generally wearing a ski-mask with no helmet. I've only seen him in the mornings, so I have no idea if he wears his ski-mask all the time or not. If so, he gets points for high style.

We moto-commuters are an eccentric bunch, so I always get a kick out of seeing everyone else's take on non-conformity. It's just another benefit of commuting on a superior vehicle.

Concerning Passengers

The other night, Lady Luck and I took our guests out for a quick ride. Riding with a passenger is always stressful for me. I'm concerned about making sure my passenger has a good time as well as being extra cautious and trying to contend with the new and interesting way my bike handles with an extra person on it.

In addition to all that, inexperienced passengers sometimes don't understand they have almost as much to do with where the bike goes as I do. Peeking out around my side leans the bike enough to start pulling to one side. A non-leaning passenger, on the other hand, makes right turns extra interesting.

All of these challenges are why motorcycle safety manuals say inexperienced riders shouldn't have passengers.

So, here are a few tips on how to ride with a passenger:

Explain what they have to do before they get on the back of your back. For example, you might tell them to hang on and shut the hell up. Or, if you're not a jerk, you could explain that they need to lean into the turns with you, and keep their feet on the pegs at all times.

Go slow until you're comfortable with the new way your bike will handle. Also, keep going slow until you're sure the passenger wants to go fast. Resist the urge to show off. It's not fun learning at the end of the ride that your passenger was scared out of their wits.

Give them opportunities to rest. The back of a motorcycle, particularily the back of a sportbike, can be uncomfortable for long periods. Furthermore, most passengers have not developed the iron butt that comes from a lot of miles in the saddle. Stop frequently and find out how they're doing.

Stay loose. If you're like me at all, you probably tense up when you've got a passenger. Loosen up! Not only is it difficult to control the bike when you've got every muscle tensed, but you'll be really sore afterwards too.

Please feel free to add your own advice for riding with passengers in the comments.

This Pizza Tastes Like Big Business

We've got guests this week, and last night I was kind of on my own for what to get for dinner. Naturally, my first impulse was to get pizza.

The three of us (our two guests and I) walked to a nearby pizza shop that Lady Luck and I are trying to support. Unfortunately, they were closed. It was late, and I had to take these crazy kids somewhere before we all went insane from hunger.

So, I took them to our local Oregano's Pizza Bistro. I'm not sure if they're corporate, but they sure look and taste like it. There's wacky stuff on the walls! And TVs! The menu is so physically large it's kind of comical! Yay! And, like all corporate restaurants, they're always inordinately busy. Wednesday is sort of an off night, though, so we only had to wait 15 minutes. On a Friday night, or on the weekends, the wait can easily exceed an hour.

Now, I do have some good things to say about them. For one thing, they're cheesy bread is darn tasty. And the stuffed pizzas have enough sauce to make me a happy man.

On the downside, intestinal distress is a frequent problem after eating there. And everything on their menu is so salty that my hands feel like cartoon gloves the next day.

Really, the only reason we went was because pizza was required, and no one else was open. They're better than pizza hut, at least.

Were this an official review, I'd give them 2 Crying Luckies for having adequate pizza. But it's not, so I won't.

Here's to hoping some of the smaller businesses close to my home start staying open a bit later than 7:00...

Another Terrible Motorcycle Movie Trailer

I've actually seen this flick. The trailer makes it look coherent. It isn't.

Werewolves on Wheels!

Five Reasons Why Motorcycles Will Always Be Superior to Cars

There's no need for a flashy intro paragraph for this post. Let's get down to it.

Physics are on our side. Consider making a hard turn in a car: you end up struggling against forces trying to throw you out of your seat. Now consider the same turn on a motorcycle: the forces trying to push you out of the car now keep you in your seat, happy and thoroughly entertained.

Phenomenal power, tiny living space. “Passing power” is a non-issue on a motorcycle. Plus, I could easily get 8 bikes in my garage if I tidied up a bit. I could even fit a few more if I got rid of the motorcycle-appreciation chair. Shoot, I could fit three of them in my living room and a spare dirt bike in the kitchen, and I have a small house.

No blind spots. I can even keep an eye on those damned hot air balloons, when I need to.

Exercise. A motorcyclist burns 200 some calories per hour between operating the vehicle, watching out for cages, and adjusting to weather changes. Compare that to the 110 calories burned by our friends sitting there looking stupid in a car. If you spend two hours on a bike, you’ve burned 180 calories more than the cager. And that means you can have another beer.

Perma-grin. Seriously, every day is better if a motorcycle is involved.

*Bonus – assuming there is still easy access to gasoline after the zombie uprising, there’s no better vehicle for getting the hell away from several hundred hungry zombies. Or just zipping through rush hour.

Where did the time go?

Sorry, been busy at work and getting ready for guests. New posts as soon as I can get 'em up.

Happy Moto-Valentine's Day

I had to pick up a box of the cheap Harley-Davidson Valentine's day cards this year, just on principle.

I am disappointed by their lack of bad-ass-itude. I mean, Harley has an entire department dedicated to thinking up new ways to look bad-ass (yet accessible).

As such, I came up with my own slogans for the cards.

For example, "I'd like you to ride my Fat Boy."

or

"This Valentine's Day, I want you to wrap your chaps around my Big Twin."

Please feel free to leave your own HD-branded Valentine's slogans in the comments.

Three Things You Need to Commute By Motorcycle

There are a great many experts out on the web more than happy to tell you everything you need to commute by motorcycle, or any other alternative transportation. Usually they present an intimidating list of things to acquire before you even think of attempting to get to work outside the safety of an automobile. Bicycle commuters need - at a minimum – panniers, a helmet, spandex shorts, a headlight, spares of everything, a change of clothes, wet naps to clean up at the showerless office and on and on. Just getting on your bicycle and getting to your office is unthinkable. There are similar lists for motorcycle commuters.

Riding to work is not that daunting. Really. You only need the following three things to commute by motorcycle.

1. A place you work at. If you don’t have a destination that you are obliged to reach, daily, it’s not really a commute, is it? This one is pretty obvious, and I don’t think I need to explain it any further. You’ve probably got this already.
2. A Motorcycle. If you’re reading this, you’ve probably got this covered. If not, find a motorcycle you’d like riding daily. If it’s economical to maintain, even better.
3. A thing to carry your stuff in. You’ve probably got this covered. Me, I use a Timbuk2 messenger bag. In the past I’ve used a backpack (one that was ten years old. Jansport rules.) and a tank bag. I like the messenger bag because it’s easier to get on over the armor of my jacket than a backpack. The tank bag is nice when you want to look at a map or directions, but I prefer having a bag I can carry hands free. I understand there are tank bags available with shoulder straps, so you can get the best of both worlds.

That’s it. If you have those three things, you can reasonably start commuting to work immediately.

You should, of course, learn how to ride your motorcycle properly, if you haven’t already. And you should invest in some good protective riding gear if you don’t have it. But otherwise, get yourself on your bike and ride it to work, to the grocery store, or anywhere else you need to get to. You know you want to.

Manly Beer Review - Coors "the Banquet Beer"

I know I don't need to tell you, but this review has been a long time coming. Actually, it's been longer coming than you might think. I first bought a six-pack of Coors back in October, intending to review it here.

As you can tell, that didn't work out exactly as planned.

So, a few days ago I picked up 12 cans of Coors "Banquet Beer," otherwise known to most of us as "the Coors that isn't light."

Coors, like all of the beers I've reviewed here, has a long history. Coors "Banquet" Beer was first brewed back in 1874. Along the way, Coors started brewing a lot of other beers, including Killian's Irish Red, Keystone, and shamefully, Zima.

To get it out of the way, I do not like this beer. It's bitter, it's got a nasty aftertaste, and if that's what comes out of the waters of Colorado, well, I'm not moving there. If you put it in a glass (not recommended. Instead, drink a different beer.), you'll see it's a deep golden color, with a good, thick head. Appearances, as they say, can deceive.

Furthermore, it seems to me that Coors has spent too much time working on gimmicky packaging to sell their beer and not enough on, y'know, making good beer. My cans have a "Frost Brew Liner," which, presumably, keeps it tasting..... frosty cold? Their bottles currently have a label which lets a fellow know if his beer is cold enough to choke down. For shame. In the past, they've had wide-mouth bottles and a can with a wide mouth and a venting hole. Presumably, the idea is to get the beer down your throat before you notice it tastes like crap.

For a beer that costs more than Pabst Blue Ribbon, you'd think they could make it taste good.

Anyway, I hate to be harsh on a beer that generations of manly American men have been drinking, so I'm just going to say that perhaps you should pick up another beer. Maybe one of these other ones that I've reviewed would be to your taste:

Pabst Blue Ribbon
Michelob Lager
Miller High Life
Schlitz

Oops

I meant to do another beer review tonight, but, well, I forgot to put it in the fridge and it's all warm. Warm beer is fine in some circumstances, but you all know the beers I'm reviewing need to be icy cold.

So, a quality post tomorrow!

Greatest Motorcycle Movie Trailer Ever

Now I have to find this movie.

Tools Worth Carrying on Any Trip

So, let's say it's 115 degrees outside in the desert, you've just had to push your bike 500 yards or more with a flat tire and you're a solid forty minutes (or more) from home.

Do you really want to find out at that moment that you don't have the tools you need on you?

Finding the right tools to carry at all times is somewhat challenging. If you bought a used bike, the chances are that you didn't get the original toolkit. If you bought a new bike, chances are that the toolkit that came with the bike is entirely useless, except maybe to keep your map from blowing away on a windy day. That's why used bikes usually don't have them anymore.

Above, you see the contents of the kit that came with my Speed Four. Pretty huh? With the exception of the sparkplug wrench, these tools are worse than useless. When doing maintenance, I use the equivalent tool I have in my toolbox. See that big wrench with the cheater bar next to it? That's supposed to get a nut torqued to almost 90 foot-pounds loose. Yeah, right. Here in the real world, I need a three foot breaker bar and a good heave to loosen that nut, and I'm a big guy.

So, that can easily be removed from the kit. The other wrenches and the screwdriver? Terrible. They need to be replaced with the tools I actually use when doing maintenance.

In fact, a good way to figure out what tools to carry is to make a note of the tools you actually use when doing basic maintenance on your bike. Then narrow it down to tools you can actually carry, and would be capable of using on the side of the road in a rainstorm.

So, for me, I carry a variety of proper wrenches, the stock toolkit (I mean, there's a space for it under the seat, so why not), a tire gauge and a Leatherman. I also carry a flat tire kit, a big pair of pliers - the Leatherman is handy for grabbing small things, but sometimes you need more force - and a box cutter.

What tools do you have stashed on your bike at all times?

A rather weak post

So here I was, doing a great job of posting everyday again, and then I threw it all off by not posting yesterday.

And, wait for it, I'm not posting anything of significance today either. Sorry.

But I'll have a great post for you tomorrow!