Friggin' in the Riggin'

Apparently I have a new gremlin. Last night I got home and discovered that my headlight is NOT burned out. At least, not in a traditional way. Basically the lo-beam doesn't work until the bike (or light) is warmed up. I wonder if something is weird in the switch or wiring....

Well, if I ever have any time again I'll get the can of contact cleaner out and go to town on all the connections for the headlight. Woo hoo.

List of things my bike currently needs:
1. Need new front tire
2. Need to replace the clamp on the fuel line that keeps loosening and leaking gasoline all over my garage
3. Need to find and squish headlight gremlin
4. Tune up
5. Paint - Flat black, natch. I'm working on a cool design to stencil on the tank too.
6. Reupholster seat (I'll probably just duct tape it).

That's just off the top of my head....

Working late sucks like an Oreck.

I know a lot of people like staying up all night and never sleeping. I am not one of those people.

Last night I rode home from work at about 3 am. Naturally, something was broken when I got out to the bike. I fired it up and noticed it seemed really dark out. It took me a couple seconds to realize that it was dark because my headlight was out.

So, I rode home with the high beam on, doing my best to annoy the little traffic that I encountered. The best thing I can say for that is at least I know that everyone saw me.

Baldy-Beard has the rat buick again, as his scooter is busted right now. I was hoping to help him reattach his exhaust system tonight, but instead I'm going to pull another late night here in the snake pit.

... I just had a brilliant idea for a business. Kind of like FTD flowers, only with beer. Someone you know feeling down? Send them a 6 pack of a fine lager. Time for congratulations? How about a case of pilsner?

Someone send me a damn case of beer already.

AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

I FUCKING HATE CRICKETS!!!

There is a cricket in the acoustic tile over my desk. It's WAY too late to have to deal with this kind of crap.

The thing is...

Remember how I said I would post after work tonight? Well, it looks like I'm going to be here at work until 10:00 pm or so.

So, it's safe to say that I'm not going to do a proper post tonight.

Kindly send large quantities of alchohol this way.

Hey everybody!

I'm too busy to post something during the day on this beautiful Monday. I'll post after work tonight!

Another unexpected weekend post

All I had to do to fix the gas leak was tighten a clamp. Hooray for easy fixes.

On the other hand, at some point I'm going to have to replace that clamp, and that's going to suck.

Super-rare weekend update!

I got pizza last night. Buono's, if you must know. I told you I'd go back. I tried their thick crust this time. It was also damn good.

This morning I went out to my bike and discovered it's leaking gas. I spent some time blacksmithing today and worked off my irritation. You know "GOD *klang* DAMN *klang* BIKE *klang*." It worked out pretty well. Now I'm cool, collected, and ready to monkey with the bike in a calm manner.

And now, to go work on my bike. Later folks!

Trader Joe's Frozen Pizza Margherita Review!

The Pizza: Trader Joe's Frozen Pzza Margherita
The Posse: Lucky
The Place: My kitchen

Frozen pizzas are darn convenient. With a minimal amount of effort, a relatively-good tasting pizza can be yours, and you don't even need to wear pants when you eat it. Trader Joe's is known for having tasty, natural, occasionally exotic food at reasonable prices.

I picked up this pizza thinking it would be as good as the frozen pizza I mentioned way back here.

Last night I threw this pie in the oven and patiently waited for deliciousness. As you can see, it was a tasty-looking pie. Alas, this pizza was only picture perfect.

Remember the individual cheese pizzas they gave us for hot lunch back in elementary school. They were good, weren't they? Well, this tasted kind of like the twin brother of that pizza, beat down by a cruel, cruel world and tormented by the thousands of painful memories it had of being left behind for nachos. Poor little guy.

The Crust - 0 Crying Luckies. It wasn't even a good topping transport. In fact, it actively worked against my enjoyment of the toppings.

The Sauce - 0 Crying Luckies. There wasn't much on there, which was good, because it tasted like ass.

The Toppings - 0.5 Crying Luckies. It would have been a zero, but the cheese was borderline edible. I wish I would have just taken it off and put it on some garlic toast.

The Ride - 5 Crying Luckies. This would have been a zero too, except for how glad I am that I didn't waste my time riding to certain disappointment.

Overall - 0.25 Crying Luckies. Seriously, get a Red Baron frozen pizza and save the extra couple bucks for a 6 pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon. At the very least, you'll know exactly what you're in for.

I hate to be harsh, but this was truly a crappy, crappy excuse for a pizza. In fact, I'd rather eat one of those crummy Chef Boyardee "pizza-in-a-box" pizza mix pizzas, where the crust is all soggy and foam-rubbery, and the sauce is best replaced by ketchup.

Heed my warning and avoid these awful pizzas at all costs. If you're in Trader Joe's looking for something quick and easy, get some of their burritos. Or, get a 6 pack of some bock beer and make like a fasting Bavarian monk.

Hopefully this weekend I'll be able to get some good pizza, and this pie will just be a sad memory.

As Concerns Ride Bells

Someone asked me recently what exactly a ride bell is. Rather than tell said person to just fucking google it, I decided to give my own special explanation for all the uninitiated out there.

A ride bell is a bell that goes on your bike (or your "ride"). As most people know, mechanical devices that have personality (unlike SUVS and most other cages) rapidly become host to an assortment of gremlins. Gremlins are unusually adept at causing problems that are nigh-impossible to find. Most bikers will tell you that gremlins love motorcycle electricals.

Anyway, if there's one thing a gremlin can't stand, it's the sweet, clear sound of an unbroken bell. It drives those little fuckers batshit, I tell you. So, the gremlin will try to climb into the bell and break it. Of course, there's nothing inside the bell for the gremlin to hang onto and he will fall out. Wisdom dictates that you mount the bell as low on the bike as possible so the gremlin can't catch on again.

Personally, I mounted the bell on my handlebars. That way, I can catch the little bastards and hurl them at vehicles that piss me off (read: H2s, Escalades, and any other SUV with no passengers only a driver on his/her stupid fucking cell-phone.).

Apparently, ride bells are especially effective if they are a gift. Must be that "pure love" thing working in combination with the unbroken bell.

Maybe it's just my crazy superstitious side, but I swear that my bike has been running better since I mounted it on my bike. Motorcycles are superstitious objects on their own, though. That's a whole other topic for a different day.

Back in the Saddle Again

I was feeling well enough to ride this morning. Naturally, it started raining the second I stepped outside. Of course, I did the only reasonable thing: gave the sky the finger and rode to work anyway. I was confident doing so, because it never rains for more than 5 minutes here in the desert anyway. Well, except for when it does.

Five minutes later, it stopped raining and I was dry by the time I got to work.

As I rode today, I thought about the other "regulars" I see commuting every day. There are two people I see almost everyday: A lady on a sportster and some dude on an old black bike (I can never tell what it is) with clip-ons. Recently, I've also started to see a guy on a newish Indian Cheif (when it's nice out). Sportster lady and Cafe Racer seem like decent folks, but the dude on the Indian just pisses me off. Maybe it's because I'm jealous of his bike. I think it's really because he doesn't wave, nod, grin, ANYTHING when he sees me. Friggin' yuppie with his money and his pretty motorcycle...

Anyway, I want to meet this dude on the Cafe bike. One of these days I'm going to wait at the intersection he turns at and chase him until he lets me check out his bike.

And now for something really different: http://hooptyrides.blogspot.com/ is awesome. He's a hardcore do-it-yourselfer, which automatically makes him link-worthy.

The plague.

Friday night I came down with a case of whatever sniffly death is going around right now. I'm still getting over it.

Since that means I haven't ridden my bike since Friday night, I am newly resolved to not get sick anymore. It just cuts too much into valuable riding time.

I'll let you know how that works out.

This guy linked to my page, so I figured I'd throw some traffic his way:

http://www.surlycamera.blogspot.com/ - Understands the importance of garages, motorcycles and Dio. There are some amusing pictures of him and his buddies rolling a garage down his street.

Mind over facts

You know, it really seems like my bike is running better since I put the ride bell on. It's the craziest thing.

Apparently I had more gremlins hiding out in my bike than I thought!

Leaky pipes

Well, the leak hasn't reoccured. Monday night I checked it out and it appears that it was just stink-water that had condensed inside my exhaust. My theory is that there is a small hole in the exhaust, and the water would only leak out when the pressure increased in the pipe(from, say, a running engine) .

It's been rather humid here. Sunday night was unusually cool and the problem hasn't come back all week. So either my theory was correct, or the ride bell Lady Luck gave me really works. I'll write more about the ride bell later.

"There's Poop On My Windshield Wiper!" - Buono's Pizza Review

The place: Buono's Pizza, 2023 W Guadalupe Rd, Mesa, AZ
The posse: Lucky, Lady Luck, Baldy-Beard, Bo
The pie: Pepperoni and Extra Cheese

Buono's was a surprise discovery. I heard, as I was trying to choose a restaurant to review, that the pizza was amazing, the place is a dive, and they have a pinball machine. Plus they were relatively close to home. I need a new front tire, so the "close to home" part was important to me (the next review will be a longer ride. Really!).

It turns out that not only does Buono's have a pinball machine, they also have a car racing game. Truly, they know what makes a good pizza joint.

I'm going to try a new rating system. Instead of the thumb system, I'm going to use a 1 - 5 rating system. The rating will be "Crying Luckies," as in, how upset I was when the pizza was gone. Let me know what you think.

Crust - The crust was good. Chewy, buttery but not sickening. A respectable topping transport. 3.5 Crying Luckies

Toppings - The pepperoni was super smoky tasting. In fact, it reminded me of bacon. The cheese was good, although my definition of "extra cheese" and Buono's definition were drastically different. Scant quantities of cheese aside, the toppings were darn good.
4 Crying Luckies

Sauce - Good stuff. Buono's serves a new york style pizza, so it's pretty light on the sauce. It was kind of sweet, but balanced with plenty of spicy.
4 Crying Luckies

Ambiance - This place was a shithole. Perfect. Bad lighting, poorly decorated, scuzzy tables, it's almost like they had me in mind! The staff were very helpful, but not "friendly" in that Applebee's sort of way. So if you like an "Office Space" type restaurant experience, this isn't the place to go.

We overheard some kids playing the racing game while we were eating. One of them yelled "There's poop on my windshield wiper!"


Props should also be given to Buono's for having a poster of a Ninja Turtle. 4 crying luckies.

Overall rating: 4 Crying Luckies. I will definitely go back to this place.

I contemplated telling a lie and saying that I took a long, twisty and incredibly fun route to get to Buono's, but the fact is I just took a couple of very straight roads with lots of stoplights and yuppies in BMWs and SUVs cutting me off at every opportunity. Like I said, next time the ride will be longer, and have pictures.

In case I didn't know what day it was...

I rolled my bike out of the garage this morning, and it didn't start as easily as usual.

Then I noticed a growing puddle of gasoline under the bike. Damn it! Rolled it back into the garage and drove the rat buick to work.

Back to the garage for me tonight, I guess.

Everyone note that it has been a week since my last repair. I think that I'm just going to start doing a complete overhaul of the bike every weekend. I do believe that will be less frustrating my current method of "fixing random things that go wrong on a weekly basis."

10% Cool.

Ok, here's a better post for today, if you're feeling ripped off.

Henry Rollins said something once about only being 10% as cool as you think you are. I've mentioned it before. Anyway, his particular story had to do with being stoked to get on stage and be an awesome rockstar, and he wound up almost knocking himself out and he gave himself a bloody nose.

I was reminded of my own 10% coolness as I was riding to lunch. The ride started off pretty good. I got to a stoplight at the same time as another rider and we said howdy. The light turns green and off we go. He made it through the next light, and I didn't.

You should know that I stay in 1st gear with the clutch in at stoplights. That way if evasive maneuvers are required, I'm ready to go.

The light turns green, I roll on the gas, let out the clutch... and the bike doesn't move. I apparently didn't manage to shift back into first, and instead was sitting at the light in neutral.

I am such a dork.

Cowpoke sighting!

This morning I passed Cosmic Cowpoke (who you might remember from this entry) on my way to work. He waved.

Unfortunately, that's the best I have for you today. A pizza review will be coming shortly. Have a fantastic weekend!

Too nice outside

It is far too nice outside today to be stuck at work, instead of out riding.

At least I got a mid-day ride in.

Riding in the Rain

The other day I rode home in the rain. It wasn't raining particularily hard, but I was thoroughly soaked when I got home. Good times!

I was amused by how many people thought I was nuts for riding in the rain. Granted, I wouldn't go out of my way to ride through rain, but it's only rain. I wondered how afraid of motorcycles people really are. Yes, caution is necessary in the rain, but it's not like the roads turn into a giant slip n' slide in a light rain. At least, not after it's been raining for a bit (the roads do get slick when it first starts raining, due to oil on the road. It washes away after a few minutes.). You'd think it does from the way people crash into each other the second a drop of rain hits the road here in Phoenix, though. Frankly, rain or shine, the scariest part of riding is the traffic around me.

I try to always assume that the cars around me are driven by half-blind madmen on cell phones who are lost, and that I'm invisible. That way, when they don't crash into me, I'm pleasantly surprised.

And now for a blog-related update: I'm going to do a pizza review this week. Really.

Manic Depression

Recently I've noticed that my bike has caused me to become manic depressive.

When it breaks, I plunge into a black depression. When it's running again, I'm so happy I'm intolerable. And once it's been running for a while, I mellow out a bit and feel normal (when I'm not riding. While riding I'm manic again.). Then something breaks and the cycle starts again.

Right now, my bike is running fine and I'm very enthusiastic about it.

I don't think that this condition is unique to me. I wonder how long it will take until motorcyclist-manic-depression becomes a recognized disorder...

Aw hell, I doubt any real motorcyclist would want to miss a minute of it. I think most riders know that the wrenching is half of the fun.

Garbage Bag Engineering

Have I mentioned yet that I love rat bikes? If you haven't already, you should check out ratbike.org

As I mentioned yesterday, it's been raining fairly consistently for the last couple days. The seat on my bike is ripped right up front, and there is a lot of foam exposed. I didn't really want that to get soaked in the rain, because I know I would get off the bike looking like I wet my pants. It's hard to be taken seriously as a scary biker when your crotch is soaking wet.

Yesterday I talked a co-worker with a covered parking spot into sharing their roof with me. For today, I brought a plastic grocery bag and put it over the end of my seat like a cond... uh, a swim cap. It looks to me like it oughta keep my seat-foam dry, but I won't know for sure until it rains.

Either way, I couldn't help but stand back and admire the terrific ugliness of my solution. It brought me back to when I was a kid in Minnesota and my mom would make me wear bread bags inside of my Moon Boots in the winter. So practical. So effective.

So cheap.

p.s. Since Coop was nice enough to mention my blog on his page, I'm going to have to go buy some of his stickers and slap 'em on my helmet. Once I've got 'em on there I'll put a picture up.

Incredible Luck. Also, a Friend I'll Never Meet.

This weekend a man I barely knew and never met in person died after being critically injured in a motorcycle crash. I had talked to him a couple times about motorcycle tech stuff by email and on the UTMC bulletin board. In his conversations with me and others he was always helpful, encouraging and deeply passionate about motorcycles.

I'm sorry I'll never get to ride with him.

Recently another UTMCer, Dewey, committed suicide. I had never met him either. Even if you've never talked to him/her, it's shocking and sad when a member of your community passes on.

It's getting to be monsoon season here in Phoenix. I went out riding last night, and managed to avoid getting wet, though I got to see a couple of awesome rainbows and a dramatic thunderstorm in the distance. Today I made it to work just before it started raining, and it stopped raining shortly before I left work for the day.

As I rode, I wondered if Abadon and other fallen riders are watching out for the rest of us who are still out there riding. I hope in the next life that there are plenty of twisty roads and cheap gas for all my friends I'll never meet.

Keep the rubber side down, everyone.

Back in Black

Last night I fixed the leaky gas line. All I had to do was tighten a clamp, which was a huge relief.

Today I've ridden about 60 miles. Life is good once again.

That's it for today. I've got riding to do. Have a good weekend!

Bonus! A brief thought that I had to throw out there.

My bike seems to be revealing it's name to me... yes.... it's....


Fuckhead.

Going in a whole new direction.

Last night I was extremely pleased to get home and discover a message telling me that my bracket was in. I did a little happy dance, and thought about the wonderful, WONDERFUL time I was going to have riding my VX800 here, there and everywhere. I got the part on in less than 20 minutes (gotta love fast, bolt-on repairs), and went out for a "test ride." It didn't want to start at first, but eventually fired up and I was off! Even better, the lovely Lady Luck brought home pizza for dinner. It was a good night!

This morning I skipped downstairs, put on my jacket and grabbed my helmet, went out to the garage and discovered a new puddle under my bike. So, I looked for what was dripping, saw that it was coming from a fuel line, and tried to do a quick fix so I could still ride to work. The quick fix didn't do much of anything but I started the bike anyway, fully intending to ride to work.

Ordinarily, the VX doesn't need the choke on to start, and is ready to ride in the time it takes me to put on my helmet and gloves. Of course, today it didn't work out that way. When I'd rev the engine, it would just die. It's possible that I just got too excited and needed to wait a minute, but my confidence in the bike was shaken and I put it back in the garage. I also swore a lot.

I'm therefore contemplating changing the name of this blog to "The Merry Piece of Shit Motorcycle Laugh-Along," because the likelihood of actually making it to a pizza place any time soon seems pretty low. It seems to me that I managed to find the one Japanese bike that was engineered to give me all the reliability of an English or Italian bike.

Big Ol' Thunderstorm

Ordinarily, talking about the weather in Phoenix is pretty boring. A fella can only comment on how sunny it is a couple times before people lose it. It's getting closer and closer to monsoon season here in Phoenix, however. We've had some mild storms recently, but last night was the first big one. Thunder, lightning, wind and a substantial downpour that lasted for more than a minute.

Lady Luck and I stood on our balcony watching the storm and waiting to see Baldy-Beard come splashing down the street on his scooter on his way home from work. After about ten minutes we gave up and went back inside.

It was raining and blowing so hard for so long I felt compelled to give Baldy-Beard a call to see if he needed a ride home from work or wherever he was stopped. He didn't answer, so I called over to his house to see if Bo had heard anything from him. I was fairly shocked when he answered the phone. Somehow he managed to get out of work early enough that he missed the rain and only had to contend with some wind.

I was rather disappointed.

Re-Backordered!

How can you take something off backorder, and then put it on backorder again right away? Those bastards!

The charm of my bike is rapidly losing ground to the pain of waiting for parts. I sure can't afford to get a different bike, though, so I guess I'm going to put up with it for a while.

A small bit of good fortune has smacked me upside the head, however. I may have found someone who can weld my bracket back together for me. Perhaps I'll be good to go very shortly.